In this article, Arbour Counselling therapist Joan Dosso shares a personal experience of art therapy that helped her integrate and express her feelings.
Think about the last time you had an “aha” moment about your life, figured out something about a difficult relationship, or recognized a pattern in yourself that you wanted to change. What were you doing when the “aha” came clear? Some people say it was when talking to a friend or therapist. But many say it was when they were not trying to think about it while in the shower, walking, cycling, kayaking, swimming, writing, gardening, creating art, cleaning the bathroom—some form of DOING something with their body that gave their brains time and space to think at a distance from the issue.
Some people use the creative process of expressive art therapies as an activity within therapy that gives their bodies something to do while their brains are thinking from a slightly detached perspective (like those who have “aha” moments while in the shower). Others use expressive arts therapies, such as art, clay work, sand tray, or music to by-pass the analytical brain that sometimes holds back emotions, releasing their creativity and imagination to explore parts of themselves and experiences that might be hidden from awareness or that are difficult to express in words. Creating a piece of art or a sand tray representation of a feeling, externalizes it, giving it a place to live, a form to hold it while you examine it and perhaps share it with a therapist or friend.
Below is an image I created in an art therapy session (I was the client). You can see that I am no artist – at best I scribble and colour. However, my art therapist told me in our first session to think of my “art” as mark making and colour choosing which helped me bypass my inner critic and express and explore feelings through the process of creating, NOT obsess about what the finished piece would look like. So if you think art therapy isn’t for you because you’ve got no talent or creativity, think again and read on!
The art therapy session in which I produced the image above, was very significant in helping me work through grief over the imminent loss of my father and related sadness that was emerging for me around taking stock of my own life. At the beginning of the session, the therapist suggested I choose two markers and draw with both hands simultaneously. She suggested I choose one marker I liked and one I didn’t. I chose a brown oil pastel for the left hand – I hate brown as a colour and the oil pastel made grainy marks with no precision and was rough to move across the page. For the right hand, I chose a purple felt-tipped marker that flowed easily on the page making loops and swoops of my most favourite colour. Quite quickly the left hand created a random brown scribble I was frustrated with, so I focused more on the flow of the right hand.
“Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” ~ Pablo Picasso
As I was drawing I talked with the therapist about what was going on in my life, the frustration I was having with the healthcare system that my father was caught in, and my feelings of helplessness to improve his care. I abandoned the brown oil pastel and decided to expel some frustrated energy by colouring furiously in between the scribbly lines with other bright colours. I talked out some sadness about aspects of my parent’s lives together that weren’t all I had hoped for them, wishing I could have shielded them from some of their hardships and losses. I realized I needed to give up the hope that it would ever be different because they were at the end of their lives together. I had to accept that change was no longer a possibility and my task was to grieve what could have been and come to acceptance.
Once I finished the patchwork colouring of the scribbled image, I turned to the purple spiral and the parallel swoops my right hand had drawn. I chose the brightest yellow I could find and coloured between the purple lines. As I coloured, I talked about the grief over how my own life had unfolded, and the realization that some dreams would never materialize. It pained me at times to see those dreams come true for family members and friends but not for me. The purple and yellow side of the picture became representative of how I perceived other people’s lives as being easier, brighter, clearer, less alone, and more fulfilling. In contrast, my life was the messy patchwork of colours that I had improvised and pieced together as life unfolded differently than I had hoped or planned.
This brought tears as I let go of what could have been, and also the realization that I had done the best I could, making beauty and meaning out of what life had given me to work with. The losses and disappointments had deepened me in ways the realization of my perfect dreams would not have, and it certainly made me a more empathetic therapist—and friend—with a wide range of experiences to draw on to help me understand the lives of others. What was the purpose and meaning of life, anyway? Accomplishing everything we hoped for and living the life we had imagined? That happens for very few people, but we can all strive to connect meaningfully with others and walk our patchwork journeys together.
When I allowed the patchwork of colours to emerge from the initial rough brown scribble, unintended shapes appeared (can you see a fish?). I realized there was a depth and exuberance in the festival of colours that was less controlled and planned than the more symmetrical purple and yellow side of the picture, with a beauty and value of its own to be embraced—just as “real life” with its unexpected twists and losses can carve our character deep.
In another art therapy session I was trying to work out how to speak up about my concerns for my father’s health care and incorporated Internal Family Systems in my painting, showing my wise self at my core (depicted at the bottom of the ocean) sending reassuring messages to my insecure younger self. The insecure self of my childhood had often been told that her feelings were invalid and she wasn’t listened to when she spoke up so she didn’t trust her feelings to be accurate in assessing the situation and using her voice effectively. Painting this picture helped me externalize and identify the parts that were making it so hard for me to speak up, and I had the wise words of my authentic self with me as I went into the actual healthcare meeting the next day and stated my case effectively.
In yet another session I was asked to paint an emotional landscape and was surprised at how dark and stormy the landscape was. The therapist also saw the unsettledness of the painting and asked where I was in the scene and if I needed anything to support me in this storm. I painted a little purple creature being tossed on the waves with the words “courage, little one!” to encourage myself to ride the storm rather than fight it.
I had no idea how much power there was in painting words of courage to myself, or that the simple instruction to use a different marker in each hand could lead me towards working out the meaning of life, loss and acceptance on my grief journey.
Who knows what you would discover about yourself and life if you chose some colours and made some marks. Why not try an expressive art therapy session with me and find out?
Joan Dosso M.A., M.T.S., M.Mus., RCC, brings a creative approach to therapy that helps her clients understand and integrate their emotional worlds. You can find out more about Joan here: Meet Joan.
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